Wow, a.k.a. How Secure is Airport Security?

It’s amazing how time flies. The last time I posted was in October. Today’s my seventeenth birthday. In exactly one year I plan to tell everyone just who I am. I still think just as much as I did six months ago, I just never got back into the habit of writing it all down. I lost a whole lot of amazing things. Starting today I will rework my writing strategy, and instead of writing daily thoughts, I’ll be like everyone else and post long papers of personal opinions. Sound good? And begin.

9.16.07

FROM http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-teaching.html

The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.

The problem child will be a school board member’s son.

Corollary: When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus.

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want

Eighty percent of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed about the one book you didn’t read.

A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the semester following the desired course.

Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Corollary: If the test is online, you will forget your password

At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester–and never attending.

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.

Corollary: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective.

In your toughest final, the most distractingly attractive student in class will sit next to you for the first time.

Anything in parentheses can be ignored.

The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during you last semester.

The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.

The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it later.

The closest library doesn’t have the material you need.

No matter which book you need, it’s on the bottom shelf.

The library will close 5 minutes before you remember that you left your book bag inside.

Corollary: It will be Saturday, and it won’t open until Monday.

Corollary: Your half-finished term paper (due Monday morning) and all your research, will be inside.

You can’t misspell numbers when you write them as digits.

The back of the room is never far enough.

Demerits from a teacher you hate are put on your permanent record.

Merits from a teacher you hate are put on the permanent record of a student you hate even more.

The examination paper is always easier when you are not taking it.

The most ill-behaved student in all of a teacher’s classes is always one of the bright ones he can’t flunk.

Nothing gets their attention like placing your nails on the chalkboard.

Anything that is not firmly secured in place, regardless of size, will find its way out of the room.

No matter how much you study for a test you will be asked a question that you don’t know.

When you study for easy tests is when you fail miserably, but when you don’t study for the hard ones, it’s when you pass with 100%.

When there’s a teacher that everyone says you want, you end up with the ones you don’t want. And when you do get the ones that you want, it’s when they end up changing their ways, and decide to make the class really hard.

If you know you are correct, then you aren’t.

Collegey:

You just finished the paper that counts as your final five minutes before class only to discover the printer is out of ink.

Your parents never fail to call you on your cell phone when you’re at a party [this doesn't really apply with caller id now]

The professor never sticks to the syllabus

The harder you study, the farther behind you get

What is “obvious” to everyone else won’t be to you

Problems that you can work won’t be on the test

Problems that you can’t work will be on the test

If you study hard for that important examination, the setters will decide to change the focus of the exam to one that is ‘thinking-based’ and ‘analytical’.

Corollary: If you memorized information, it will be useless.

If you give information without citing the source, the information given is wrong.

If you cite a source for information, it actually came from somebody else.

If you didn’t cite something, that was the one thing your professor wanted you to cite.

–

9.9.07

how much gas is used to make Starbucks coffee? compared to bottled water?

FROM http://www.kitt.net/php/kay.php

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But
one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and stones may break my
bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was
sticks and stones all the way.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for
centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator

Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong. [Same with Bluetooths. Or is it Blueteeth?]

You never ever run out of salt.

There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve
got your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.

———————

9.1.07

a pen that records the distance the ink ball travels when you write

George Carlin = I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

a clock that is a square and the hands conform to the shape of it, longer at 1:30 and shorter at 3

on stumbleupon comments reply to other comments.
————–
http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=faezma923t [FREE music]

eMural.com

calif

avenue q

MJM 9.1.07 10:03 “can mute people lip sync?”

Barbers-at-Heart International

5.8.07

DOMAIN pseudotruth.com

Links on WordPress to Popple music and N

save profile
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Ye Olde Quoteth

MJM 3-26-07 10:26 AM
Geniuses don’t pick green, vegitarians do.
Why don’t all vegetarians have green cars?

KB 3-26-07 10:30 AM
You don’t have to be loved to be famous.
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WORDs intemporary, aggravation, abeateno,

5.5.07

Car Name= Treasure
==============<MJM>====================
ON http://www.catch-word.com/glossary.html “P”

Pejoration A semantic shift which results in a less favorable connotation. For example, the word ‘villain’ originally meant ‘farm laborer’, but now refers to an evil person or hardened criminal.

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FROM http://rieraci.stumbleupon.com/

“Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?” Artemus Ward

4.15.07

FROM http://gdl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/humor/0087.html
===============
[grammerfied by me]

“It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.”

“I was an only child, eventually”

“I lost a button hole”

“I was skydiving horizontally”

“I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths.”

“On my walls I have pictures of the rooms on the second floor, so I never have to go upstairs”

“I just redecorated my apartment. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall… just so nobody would know”

“I bought some dehydrated water, but I don’t know what to add to it”

“I invented the cordless extension cord”

“When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice”

“The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, ‘right here, officer’”

“I saw a sign at a gas station. It said ‘help wanted’. There was another sign below it that said ’self service’. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.”

“A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it’”

“Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.”

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

4.9.07

MLXW Music Lyrics Cross Word
SUCDS StumbleUpon Chumby Dual Screen
CVRT Chumby Voice Recognition Technology
EC Easter Comics
WPCP WordPress Change Password
HGL
JFZD Jenna Fischer Zooey Deschanel & MG Maggie Gyllenhaal
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McOff as new last name
my future kid’s names: Sabrina James and Christopher Erin
keep permatabs where ever you go
see what StubleUpon interest SU used to draw a person to a page
Firefox to sync with KeePass to change passwords without an Internet connection
on right click toolbar on a link next to “open link in new tab”, have [scroll wheel click]
music service oneforone.com, share an MP3 to get one free, all songs have their own pages, only one song per person
a part of the toolbar that runs through the addons you have and tells you when it was last used [always, never, 3-5-07]

4.7.07

Want to know why gmail sucks? Because Life247 is taken. So I need to come up with a new email address. But not Life247.
Any suggestions?
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FROM http://halvet-i-ruhiye.stumbleupon.com/
” i have nothing to say and i am saying it”
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FROM http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/242.html

=====Steven Wright’s Stuff – part 1

Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Is “tired old cliche” one?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, “Up Over” ?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?

3.29.07 (Celebrate the Sixteenness)

My 16th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FROM http://geminga.it.nuigalway.ie/~9934150u/stuff/quotes.html

Quotes
Quotes Dectionary Stuff

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana: Graucho Marx

I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you’re blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit: Mitch Hedberg

Dougal: Do you remember that film, Ted, where your man has his head transplanted onto a fly, and the fly’s head is transplanted onto the man? Ted: Oh, yes, what was that called? Dougal: Out of Africa, I think

The theme at most theme parks is ‘get in line fatty’: Demetri Martin

Interviewer: What is your all-time best travel tip? Ross Noble: If you end up in a Turkish prison, don’t sign up for the ballroom dancing classes

You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand? Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?: Kramer