Wow, a.k.a. How Secure is Airport Security?

It’s amazing how time flies. The last time I posted was in October. Today’s my seventeenth birthday. In exactly one year I plan to tell everyone just who I am. I still think just as much as I did six months ago, I just never got back into the habit of writing it all down. I lost a whole lot of amazing things. Starting today I will rework my writing strategy, and instead of writing daily thoughts, I’ll be like everyone else and post long papers of personal opinions. Sound good? And begin.

9.9.07

how much gas is used to make Starbucks coffee? compared to bottled water?

FROM http://www.kitt.net/php/kay.php

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But
one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and stones may break my
bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was
sticks and stones all the way.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for
centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator

Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong. [Same with Bluetooths. Or is it Blueteeth?]

You never ever run out of salt.

There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve
got your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.

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[now being catagorized by type and not chronological order]

BAND NAME  : Of All Things – Sanctuary
Heroes of Yesterday – Structure Forever
Cactus League – I Would Call You, But I Don’t Know Who You Are or What Your Number Is, So I Won’t [19]
Anticity – Speed Kills Old Ladies

Cool Kids – Screeching Wesel
Bandages Have Advantages Too – Hot HotHeat

Jeffery Kluger – Get Pluto Out of Here! – TIME 8.28.06

MJM 8.22.07 11:37 “you have to tell once before you can tell me twice”

A building where you work on the first floor and live in the basement and second floor.
a video game that makes itself up as it goes along, basing itself of the player’s choice of scenario options, and off of other games with the same plotline
flammability of chewing gum
myspace 2.0?
Bank of AZ logo
worstofthe.net

http://www.io.com/~sjohn/plots.htm “hordes of aliens are eating all the cheese”
http://www.forwardedemails.com/why-should-the-wedding-ring-be-worn-on-the-fourth-finger-fwd-nisha-daryani/

4.7.07

Want to know why gmail sucks? Because Life247 is taken. So I need to come up with a new email address. But not Life247.
Any suggestions?
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FROM http://halvet-i-ruhiye.stumbleupon.com/
” i have nothing to say and i am saying it”
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FROM http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/242.html

=====Steven Wright’s Stuff – part 1

Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Is “tired old cliche” one?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, “Up Over” ?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?

3.17.07

MJM 3-17-07 7:58 PM “From the Land”

Fire fire burning bright, save us from the dark of night,
Guard your children from the pain, from the knife and from the stain.

Water water flowing free, teach forever how to be,
Watch the suffering disperse, wash away all sin from Earth.

Soil soil stand so strong, place us all where we belong,
Keep us from the pangs of death, while sorrow waits with bated breath.
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new password
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viewable clipboard when you copy stuff in Firefox
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NEW DOMAIN flammiblewithlegs.com from a Mitch Hedberg quote

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, “You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.” As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
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FROM http://etcetera.stumbleupon.com/
Jenseits von Gut und Böse (Beyond Good and Evil)
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MJM 3-17-07 9:59 PM
Today’s Version of Yesterday

3.15.07

BAD RELIGION_21st century digital boy
EVERCLEAR_wonderful
311_amber
“I feel like a newborn”    FILTER-take a picture
pay it forward
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FROM http://www.savageresearch.com/humor/gm.html
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,we would all be driving $2500.00 cars that got 100 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had eveloped technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “CarNT”, but then you would have to buy more seats.

3.13.07

FROM http://muchmornews.com/?p=74

Children on the question of marriage – Young minds foresee a difficult future
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

3.12.07

The O Door
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IMPORTANT
Tools->Options->Content->Colors->Uncheck “Allow pages to choose their own colors, instead of my selections above”->Click OK
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BAND NAME Where Do I Begin
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FROM http://involution.com/mitch-quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah.”

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

…and then at the end of the letter I like to write “P.S. – this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill…

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly…

I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. There’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

3.10.07

stumble xkcd

FROM http://members.aol.com/gulfhigh2/words15.html (and all the pages at the bottom)
Philippi may be the longest Biblical word with all long letters [Byron Davidson].

FROM http://members.aol.com/gulfhigh2/words7.html
UU occurs in carduus, continuum, duumvir, duumviral, duumvirate, Equuleus (a constellation), Equus, ignis fatuus, individuum, in perpetuum, intermenstruum, kere perpetuum, lituus, menstruum, mutuum, muumuu, obliquus, perpetuum mobile, praecipuum, Puuc, residuum, sadalsuud, semicontinuum, Shuvuuia (a Mongolian dinosaur), Smectymnuus, squush(y), triduum, vacuum, weltanschauung, zuurveldt. The OED2 has bauude, bestuur, bustuus, couuienales, dyluuye, huus, inaniloquution, intervacuum, kouuuele, kuuant, neuu, paramenstruum, plentuuste, premenstruum, postmenstruum, pruu, puukko, quuik, quurt, riuulet, sleuuol, spuugslang, squuncke, suuel, suuen, suum, truu, tuum, uuen, ventriloquus, and yuu. Nuku pu’u is a group of very rare Hawaiian honeycreepers [Charles Turner, Philip Bennett]. Suuwassea emilieae is a newly-named dinosaur [Charles Turner].
……….
LLL. FRILLLESS (having no frill) is in the OED2 and WALLLESS is in W2 [Stuart Kidd]. At least two scientific papers refer to a WELLLESS microarray platform in the context of microarray experiments where the compounds to be tested are not segregated into wells [Jason Leith]. CHURCHILLLAAN (Churchill Lane) is the name of a street in Amsterdam and some other Dutch cites. SOLLLEISTUNG is not easily found in a German dictionary because it is attributed to Eastern Germany and probably not an official word. Its meaning is “the amount of work or exertion dictated in advance” [Oscar van Vlijmen]. STILLLEBEN is a German word for “still life.” Heinz Lueneburg provided this as an example of words with triple letters made possible by a recent spelling reform. He writes that triple letters occur only in compound words, as Still-leben, Schiff-fahrt, Fett-troepfchen. CHILLLOSS has been suggested, although it is not in any dictionary. Gary Rosenberg says SHELLLESS is “a word that I keep trying to slip into professional papers (I’m a malacologist by trade), but so far no editor has let it stand.”

3.8.07

why does sound frequency rise when capacity falls?
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FROM http://www.redicecreations.com/specialreports/2006/01jan/holographic.html

Imagine an aquarium containing a fish. Imagine also that you are unable to see the aquarium directly and your knowledge about it and what it contains comes from two television cameras, one directed at the aquarium’s front and the other directed at its side.

As you stare at the two television monitors, you might assume that the fish on each of the screens are separate entities. After all, because the cameras are set at different angles, each of the images will be slightly different. But as you continue to watch the two fish, you will eventually become aware that there is a certain relationship between them.

When one turns, the other also makes a slightly different but corresponding turn; when one faces the front, the other always faces toward the side. If you remain unaware of the full scope of the situation, you might even conclude that the fish must be instantaneously communicating with one another, but this is clearly not the case.

This, says Bohm, is precisely what is going on between the subatomic particles in Aspect’s experiment.

According to Bohm, the apparent faster-than-light connection between subatomic particles is really telling us that there is a deeper level of reality we are not privy to, a more complex dimension beyond our own that is analogous to the aquarium. And, he adds, we view objects such as subatomic particles as separate from one another because we are seeing only a portion of their reality.