5.7.07

FROM http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/daily_additions/2007/may/4.htm

How Students Earn Their Desks

September of 2005, a social studies school teacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.

The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks.

They obviously looked around and said, “Where’s our desks?”

The teacher said, “You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn them.”

They thought, “Well, maybe it’s our grades.”

“No,” she said.

“Maybe it’s our behavior.”

And she told them, “No, it’s not even your behavior.”

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in the class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, the instructor gathered her class.

They were by this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room.

She said, “Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom. Now I’m going to tell you.”

She went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. By the time they had finished placing the desks those kids, for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.

Their teacher said, “You don’t have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it’s up to you to sit here responsibly, to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don’t ever forget it.”
=======================
non sequitur on 5.6.07
===============
add link to Popple on wordpress

4.15.07

FROM http://gdl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/humor/0087.html
===============
[grammerfied by me]

“It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.”

“I was an only child, eventually”

“I lost a button hole”

“I was skydiving horizontally”

“I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths.”

“On my walls I have pictures of the rooms on the second floor, so I never have to go upstairs”

“I just redecorated my apartment. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall… just so nobody would know”

“I bought some dehydrated water, but I don’t know what to add to it”

“I invented the cordless extension cord”

“When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice”

“The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, ‘right here, officer’”

“I saw a sign at a gas station. It said ‘help wanted’. There was another sign below it that said ’self service’. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.”

“A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it’”

“Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.”

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

4.13.07

=====================<MJM>=====================
what do you say when you send the wrong bill to the wrong company? chex mix
new letter > = ck, < = cks
DOMAIN yourbestnightmare.com
songs on radio
WORD/CompanyName Mayco
katake.stumbleupon
bestpageintheuniverse.com
NEW WORD greer
EMAIL ADD (s)wodahs@gmail.com
BAND NAME falls to ashes
DEFINITION suffering from social lag: getting your computer taken away by your parents

4.7.07

Want to know why gmail sucks? Because Life247 is taken. So I need to come up with a new email address. But not Life247.
Any suggestions?
==========================
FROM http://halvet-i-ruhiye.stumbleupon.com/
” i have nothing to say and i am saying it”
==========================
FROM http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/242.html

=====Steven Wright’s Stuff – part 1

Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Is “tired old cliche” one?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, “Up Over” ?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?

4.2.07

FROM http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/daily_additions/2007/mar/30.htm

Marriage One-liners:
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They stay together, but just cant face each other. (Hemant Joshi)
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. (Alexander Dumas)
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. (anon)
First guy: “My wife’s an angel.” Second guy “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

A Story of Six Boys

Each year I am hired to go to Washington , DC , with the eighth grade class from Clinton , WI . where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation’s capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall’s trip was especially memorable.

On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous! photographs in history — that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima , Japan, during WW II.

Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, “Where are you guys from?”

I told him that we we’re from Wisconsin . “Hey, I’m a cheese head, too! Come gather around, Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.”

3.15.07

BAD RELIGION_21st century digital boy
EVERCLEAR_wonderful
311_amber
“I feel like a newborn”    FILTER-take a picture
pay it forward
————–
FROM http://www.savageresearch.com/humor/gm.html
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,we would all be driving $2500.00 cars that got 100 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had eveloped technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “CarNT”, but then you would have to buy more seats.

3.14.07

Wired All Wrong–Elevating

Soul Asylum–Runaway Train

Faucet–Having This Means You Liked Us Before We Were Famous        myspace.com/faucet

Ataris–Boys of Summer

Ababa, Ethiopia

BEST LYRICS Angels and Airwaves
The War
…
And the houses
Laid out like targets
With the deafening sound
We watched them all go down
And the families
Now useless bodies
They lay still black and blue
A gift from us to you
…
————-
FROM http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/daily_additions/2007/mar/14.htm

“The state Senate in Florida wants to outlaw the term ‘illegal alien’ because it is insensitive. They want to go with a more politically correct term, like ‘Wal-Martian.” –Jay Leno

“James Cameron, film director, claims he has discovered the tomb of Christ. I just hope this doesn’t lead to a court battle in Florida. … Who would have guessed they found Jesus before bin Laden?” –David Letterman

<a href=”http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/daily_additions/2007/mar/14.htm”>
<img border=0 width=514 height=370 src=”http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/pictures/2007/pic22593.jpg”></a>

3.2.07

ATC    the air traffic contollers

ADD ON that gets the urls for StumbleUpon photoblog

emmitsburg

google lyrics

smallest “chrome” thing theme

2.14.07

FROM http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/daily_additions/2007/feb/14.htm

Late one night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin.

They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

“Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called “Happy Hour” and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five O’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness’s — couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…” And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, “Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.”

Indignantly, the man said, “Why? Don’t ye believe me?!?”
————————————–

2.13.07

SORx.com domain register

bank one ballpark contraption

WRITE a book in this format: c|n n|o o|e e|t t|t t|y y|m m|r r|s s|t t|o o|r r|t
EXAMPLE can no one eat that tasty yam mr. rogers sent to our restaurant?

WORD evertone

NO_does scratching your head really help?

work on userscript for stumpleupon report page as… broken, adult

great easy practical joke
while at mcndonalds, slip a ketchup pouch in a person’s back pocket and have them sit down